No child left unabused

You have heard it. Comments like: It was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Other unintentionally hurtful comments.

And yet. And yet. I couldn't help thinking, as I sat there hurting inside watching the festivities last week and the elementary school's Blue Ribbon Celebration. There must be something I'm learning from this experience. Some way I'm growing inside as a person. There must be something to be gained as I sit in the perspective of a parent of one of the Struggling Children. It was a knife in my heart when ds told me he knew he was the "slowest in my class in math." Bad enough that it was true. Worse that he knows it. Worse that teachers have hurt him these past years with criticism after criticism. We KNOW his knows this material. Why can't he produce in on a written TEST! 2 out of his 4 years being threatened to be held back a year and watch all his friends and classmates go on without him. Not allowed to play Little League this year because of poor grades. Years of crushing homework loads. Slower processing speeds meant homework took him 2 to 3 times as long as an average child to complete. And schoolwork was left undone, so that came home too, adding to the load. And poor grades meant being enrolled in after-school tutoring, adding more work to the load. Adding on "intervention homework" in math, which is another word for an ungodly amount of more practice problems. All in the name of success. Teaching to the test. Increasing test scores. Doing great on the test so we can all bask in the glory of the Distinguished School. Blue Ribbon School. How many children have been harrassed/abused/threatened in the name of school pride? The banners make me sick.

I looked at the numbers again. My son is gifted in his verbal IQ. Anything over 130 is gifted. He comes by that honestly. My brothers and I were all gifted and placed in those classes. My parents never had to expend much effort toward our schooling. My 2 older kids were also identified as GATE (gifted and talented) students. Always a source of pride. Maybe vanity. It would never have occurred to me in the past to think that there might be some people present at a nice Blue Ribbon Celebration who were not celebrating. That there might be some parents who were putting on a brave face for their child, so the child didn't catch on, hopefully, to their pain. Hoping that their child could forget their struggles and for a moment bask in the glory of attending a high-scoring school.

This certainly has changed me. Special Needs used to be something I prayed never to have to be involved with. Something frightening. Change the subject quickly. Now my beloved son has Special Needs. He needs a little extra help in some areas academically and socially. He is a sweet kid who owns a HUGE piece of my heart. I can't embrace him without embracing all of his needs. I am a mom of a child with Special Needs. I will continue to educate myself to advocate for him with all the energy I have.

He does NOT have a character flaw. That gives me so much relief and I think his teachers will start to treat him better now. He has problems processing with some parts of his brain. That is it.