I'm outta here!

No really. I am. I'm programming this to post when I am already on my way to Missouri to visit relatives from my Dad's side of the family. I'll get to meet Aunt M, who I don't really remember, in person, probably for the last time, as she has terminal cancer. I'm hoping that seeing baby A will help to cheer her up, if at all possible. And I will get to meet my 4 cousins, all about my age, give or take 7 years. And their 12 kids, mostly girls, between them. (Don't you just LOVE commas?)

I'm bringing a box of ear plugs to share with my seatmates on the airplane. I imagine that Baby A will be doing his high-pitched shriek, because now he is mobile, and he won't understand why he will not be allowed to motor around the cabin. And the fact that he now has 7 teefies. That eighth one has to be in there somewhere, and I'm sure it will be moving and causing discomfort.

I'm also going to do my most intelligent packing, as we need to try to fit both our stuff into one small carry-on suitcase if we are to avoid checked bag fees and extra waiting at the airport. Not to mention the lost-bag risk. Then after I get there, I will rent a car and drive another 2.5 hours to the destination.

My feelings are so mixed. I'm ecstatic to meet my long-lost relatives. They have been so kind and upbeat on the phone. I feel so happily anticipated, and a little nervous to meet so many new people at once. I mean, to them there will be just me to deal with. But I will be alone in a sea of virtual strangers. But I think I'm up to the task. I am really a shy person in my core, but I have spent my whole life practicing and pretending not to be shy and this will be one of the payoffs for all that effort. I should be able to do pretty well socializing despite my inner discomfort.

And then there is Aunt M. I'm so sad that she is ill. I had just been ratcheting up my contact with her this summer. Remember the family movies I made DVDs of? I sent her a copy. It was weird how it happened. I was watching the movies and there was a couple that I didn't recognize. And they had a little baby. I kept trying to figure out if the baby was one of my older brothers, and who the people were. Then it occurred to me that it was Aunt M. and her husband. As I watched the movies the thought suddenly occurred to me how precious the footage would be to her. And I KNEW that nobody had sent it to her, although most of the footage was filmed by her father before he died. But my dad, her brother, was the family "techie", so he received the film and camera stuff. This upset my sense of justice. And I was angry with myself. I mean, I knew of the films since I was a child. We used to watch the films in the 70's in the garage (where it was dark). When I was a kid, I never questioned who the people were on the film that I didn't recognize. After all, aren't there always random relatives running around who you don't know when you are a kid? So I sent her the DVD without delay, but didn't hear back from her after she received it. Looking back, that must have been the time that she was diagnosed with cancer. So that makes sense that she was preoccupied and didn't write back. Then when I talked to my cousin a few weeks ago to arrange this trip, I asked her if she knew I had sent the DVD to her mom. She said, "Yes, I WATCHED it! It was GREAT!" Isn't that cool? They all got to see footage of the grandparents and their parents in their youth after all these years. And of the eldest child as a baby.

So sadly, right when I'm in the middle of trying to cultivate a closer relationship with Aunt M, THIS happens. :-( And from what I hear, she is REALLY upset about it. I mean, who wouldn't be. The course of her cancer means that she will have to have numerous operations to correct blockages to her colon, until she finally succumbs, probably to one of the operations. She is in her mid 70s.

So I'll update you after this weekend. Wish me luck on the plane and with the relatives. I imagine I will be surrounded by sweet women and children and enveloped in southern hospitality. Oh, and I will not abandon my blog. I have scheduled another post after this one to appear during the weekend. He he. Gotta love the new technology of post-dated blogging.